Watching the Unschooling Pieces Crumble - Part 3 of Dealings With a Guru

So, at this point in all of this revealing that is going on, I have somehow gotten the idea in my head that Dayna will stop to think before, once again, taking on an old characteristic that she claims to have left behind in the rediscovery of herself. No, not happening. Can we go one day without an action that makes it a little too easy to reflect on in my very unprofessional looking blog? I bring up the point of unprofessional because, well, it looks pretty crappy. When someone visits and reads my words. I would rather them not have to use their finger to hold their spot or be able to read a paragraph on their phone without it being just plain boring and ugly. I am also so tired from writing papers for school that grammar may not be at its peak level. Ugliness aside, I am sharing words and they have great meaning and they are in stone, so to speak, because who writes a blog post and edits it 9 times after they have posted it? Who takes the written history of the important points they spent time writing and deeply feeling and completely refabricates it to fit the new mood they are in or to change the story they claimed was the absolute truth just the day prior? That would be Dayna Martin (bashing, I get it, I am mad).

As she does anytime she screws up, she changes her story once she learns what the listener would like to hear. She claims without a shadow of a doubt that what she says is solid and then adds, changes, deletes as she is reminded that real humans may have feelings of remorse. She simply mirrors the right response. Taking history and changing it is a lie. It does not matter if it was a lie the first time or a lie the second time, just watch the progression and the morphing of the real story of the minute. Is this her growing a conscience, you may ask? No, sociopaths do not grow those. They only grow their repertoire of logged human emotions and reactions. She is playin you guys. Just look at the facts she has shown you. Not the facts I am presenting, but the facts she is reflecting for you like the batman spotlight. Btw,  if someone has a copy of each different progression of her blog, I would love to have it. She got to that one before I could. Score one for Dayna!

So again, I just wrote a few paragraphs that I did not have any plan to write until just now. I need to stop getting side tracked. The point of this particular blog is to share the side of the unnanny family and to reflect their separate experience with Dayna Martin. The unnanny mom (Patti) is my friend and she has been for about 7 years. Our friendship was very solidified when she was struggling to find that mother in her that she longed to be. We had been unschooling for 5 years at this point and I introduced her to it. I loved Dayna and shared with her that Dayna can help her with things I may not be knowledgeable about. Dayna is good or, in essence, she is the shit that don’t stink. She was the parent you strive to be. Patti and Dayna planned an unnanny call and then while my family was at Life Rocks, Dayna let us know she was coming to Texas in 3 weeks. We were all excited and I offered our RV for her to stay in since she doesn’t ever stay with the families she works with (lie) and we just happened to be a few miles away from Patti. The date came and the first unnanny visit was underway.

As mentioned in the first blog post, there will still be holes that may make it sound like things have been omitted. That is only to protect those that have not chosen to share their stories at this time. On a side note, I got to hear the introduction to my husband’s experience today. I am glad he is sharing last because he would put my writing to shame. He is good with words and likes to talk about spiders a lot. Sydni (10yo) has also decided to write her story, so I look forward to that, if she feels safe enough. Ok, so to the important part of blog 3, Patti Stephens. The rest is all her words (way too nice, in my opinion), so I am referencing that now and not putting quotes around any of it.

Vodka and Trauma Counselors – The Unnanny Experience

I honestly don’t even know where to begin with the story of my journey around Dayna Martin, the Unnanny.  I will share my experiences, as they occurred in my home, but I cannot even begin to express or convey the emotional and behavioral upheaval that the experiences created; for both me, my children and everyone involved.

Even as I sit here and reflect on the events that occurred, the hours of heartache with my children, my family of choice, and the time, energy and money we invested, I am still left with these nagging feelings of:

(1) Mistrusting  Myself:  Why didn’t I listen to my gut…after all my journey toward unschooling has absolutely been about listening to my gut so I know what that feels like?

(2) Anger:  Why, why, why did I expose my kids to her especially after I strongly sensed she was not at all here, in Texas, for our family, but rather for her own personal agenda with the Greens?  Note:  HER agenda, not the Greens!

(3) Sadness:  Yes I still even feel sadness and empathy for Dayna, because I know, deep down something is terribly broken and wounded, being manifested in the world in the most fraudulent way:  pretending to help children and families. 

Introduction:

So, our family consists of me and my four kids, ages 10, 7, 6, and 6.  I am a “single” parent in that my partner lives 2 ½ hours away.  She cares for her mother who has Alzheimer’s, so I am the only parent in the home.  My ex (the kids other mom) and their “dad” (Sydni’s biological dad and “daddy” to the three adopted children) have a presence in the kids life but it is not by any means a consistent, “traditional” arrangement for children of “divorce”.  They love the kids and absolutely are concerned about their well-being.  I say all that to explain that I made the decision to unschool with their hesitant blessing.  They understand and are supportive of the fact that I am the one with them 24/7 and I must follow what I feel is in the best interest of the kids.  Dayna (her book, her blog, her website) was the source I would send them to for educating themselves about RU and what I was trying to accomplish.

Our family officially began our unschooling in March of this year.  I was connected to the Greens and Whole Life Unschooling, a Facebook support group run by Dayna’s husband, Joe, but like most newbies, I was insecure, feeling very alone,  vulnerable, questioned, judged and all those dynamics that a major, misunderstood shift brings.  I knew in my heart, and still do today, that this is absolutely the path we are supposed to be on.  I also found, in my searching for answers, that there are very few “single” parents, and especially no families with the dynamics of ours. My intention in reaching out to Dayna for professional help was solely to help me shift more easily into Radical Unschooling and gain confidence as an unschooling mother so that we could live a more loving, peaceful life.  Everything she promoted led me to believe she could help.

Unnanny Session #1

I had an initial phone consultation with Dayna Martin at the end of March.  That went well but it didn’t even begin to scratch the surface.  I knew of her unnanny services, in fact, our family had joked often in the past that we could sure use the services of the popular television SuperNanny.  I discussed this with the other adults and they agreed so we scheduled our first unnanny visit for the end of April, after Life Rocks.  We were all excited.  The kids and I watched Wife Swap (which looking back only added to the intensity of their emotions as they were completely star struck).  I was hopeful and excited as well.  

Scheduling her flight was a bit of a nightmare in that we used “daddy’s” flight miles to get her here so there was a lot of back and forth on that.  She told me that she would be staying with the Greens, which I thought odd because I thought she stayed with the families she helped.  Nowhere on the website did it mention hotel expenses being paid for by the family but I didn't question it.  I emailed Dayna a week or so before the visit and asked if she wanted or needed any further information about our family before she came, knowing the intensity of our family dynamics and it was “a lot.” She said, “Nope, she had everything she needed”.  I thought that odd but also thought maybe Jennifer has explained some of it to her.  

Once her flight was booked, all scheduling or coordination of the visit was communicated via Jennifer (Green).   I thought that a little odd but brushed it off as Dayna being so busy with the “demands” of her after the Wife Swap episode.  I didn't really know what to expect as there was no communication from Dayna about what to expect other than her saying "it’s gonna be great; I am so excited to be able to help you and your family.”  I was told that they would be at my home from 10 to 6 for the two days and it was agreed that Jennifer would “observe” during the unnanny session, which I was fine with. She deferred to Jennifer a lot about what she thought, etc. There seemed to be a connection of deep friendship between them, although I also felt that Dayna "hid" behind her at times.  It seemed to me like she would talk to me through Jennifer, if that makes sense. I sensed a weird dynamic between the two that I couldn't put my finger on it.

Day 1

Things went well.  The first day was "observation" and after a few hours, the "new" wore off and the kids began to exhibit the behaviors that I needed help with:  fighting, physical aggression toward each other, yelling, and anger manifestations.  It was intense. Dayna seemed taken aback, like she didn't quite know what to do.  She spent time with the kids individually in their rooms and I watched her try to get to the "need" behind the behavior.  Two of my kids "fought" over her and wanted her undivided attention.  Looking back now, it seemed that was exhausting for her.  We made it through day one and at 6 it was discussed that day two would be implementing strategies and that she and Jen would process what had transpired on Day 1 and have a plan.  

Day 2

There was more connection with the kids and Dayna.  I tried to get more hands on involved.  Dayna taught me about strewing and introduced some activities so the kids wouldn't get "bored" and act out (which I agreed with.)  It was a fun day.  There was a  combination of interaction with the kids and when they wanted to go play, Dayna, Jen and I would "brainstorm" about things.  My partner arrived that morning and was around but did not connect at all with Dayna.  She is very shy and was skeptical as she got bad vibes from the onset.  The other two parents came over that afternoon, so out of the two days, all four of us only spent about an hour chatting with Dayna.  I don't even remember what we talked about other than their role in the kid’s lives.  

We were wrapping things up around 5 instead of the scheduled 6 as my youngest had to be at her gymnastics workout at 5 pm. Her State Meet was the following morning. Jen and Dayna were quietly talking amongst themselves and then Dayna said "I don't want to leave."   She asked if she could extend her return home one day as she felt she wanted to "wrap up" with our family the following evening (Saturday). The other parents would come over and we would cook out which was good because they could spend a little more time with Dayna too. I had overheard that she was going to go sailing with the Greens during the day Saturday.  My initial gut feeling was that she wasn't staying to "wrap up" with us but rather to extend her time with the Greens.  So, I changed her flight and paid another $75 to do so (she never offered to pay for this change and I didn’t want to make a scene so I just did it). The kids were thrilled, though disappointed she wasn't spending the day with them.  

Dayna said she loved surprises and that we should have a "party" for her going away without consideration that I had to get up at 5 am on Saturday and drive an hour for my youngest child’s state gymnastics meet and then get back to host this event.  That got them distracted and planning.  My oldest saw through it right away and said, "She is not staying here for us; she just wants to be with Kevin and Jennifer".  I knew she was right, but stuffed it as we had an action packed Saturday ahead. 

We got home from the meet at 12:30 pm and busted our butts to get things ready.  The kids wanted to decorate by making signs for the gate and hang lights so we could have a dance.  I ran to get supplies so we could have a silly string war.  It was pretty crazy.  When they arrived at 7:30 pm (30 minutes late) on Saturday, Dayna spent most of the time in tears and within 15 minutes of arrival, she disappeared. She was in one of the kids rooms crying and talking to Joe.  She said she really didn't want to leave us.  She didn't feel she had accomplished what she wanted to.  She said she was just having a hard time saying goodbye and that our family was so awesome and there was so much love and she felt there was so much more that she could do to help us, etc., etc.  I thought "how nice that she connected so well with the kids and our family"...and that we were special.  I know now her tears of sadness had nothing to do with us but that she didn’t want to leave the Greens.  I even said, "I know, we could have used a week” and Dayna said "Had I known how intense it was beforehand, I would have scheduled a week."  I thought back to me asking her if she needed any background info from me and how odd that "the unnanny" wouldn't ask that of her clients.  

When she left she said that Jennifer would follow up with us to see if we needed any help.  That was fine as I had been reaching out to Jennifer more for RU advice anyway.  We exchanged a few PM's...thank you's, appreciation, the kids miss you and kinda how they were acting around her leaving...that sort of thing.

Unnanny Session #2

Within a couple of days Dayna messaged me that she really wanted to come back which I immediately felt funny about.  I asked her why and she said, again, that she didn't feel like she really accomplished everything she wanted to. We talked about some of the things I needed help with:

§  transitioning between households

§  "bedtimes” (I am exhausted most of the time and wanted help with how to get them settled the RU way so I could get more rest)

§  grocery shopping (that is a nightmare with 4)

§  car etiquette

 

She was pretty "insistent" and wanted me to commit quickly because she had other people requesting her time and she wanted to give us priority. So I talked to my partner (the other parents pretty much were done with it; didn't feel it was beneficial to them) and we made the decision that it would be beneficial for Dayna to get to go to the farm (where my partner lives) and try to connect with her in her surroundings since the visit here in Fort Worth didn't go well for my partner.

Dayna initially said "$2,000 for a week" and I was like "no way we could do that" so then she said  "Whatever, I will work with you on the fee and the hours...I just want to come back and help."  We went back and forth on that, my gut knowing it absolutely was about the money.  She would say "Like for $850 I could work 4 hours a day for 6 days or 6 hours a day for 5 days..."  and I said "Dayna, if we're going to pay for you to come out here (because this trip we were paying full air fare, not using miles), we want to make it worth our time and money" and my partner was hoping for two full days at the farm so we paid the fee ($1,250 for 5 days) and booked her flight.  She would arrive on a Wednesday and return home the following Thursday making it 7 full days in Texas; five work days and two off days.  The kids were super excited and I was feeling skeptical.

Little things began to pop up before she came.  There were discrepancies in what she had told me regarding time and schedule.  Jen was the go between. She handed all control of the scheduling and communication to Jennifer, again.  So I got "the final" schedule that she would come to the farm on Friday (she was arriving on Wednesday but needed Thursday to "rest" and "prepare for her time with us"..and I only paid for 5 days).

We planned to leave the farm Saturday around noon and Dayna would drive back to Fort Worth with me and the kids and help us transition back at home; then Sunday was Scarborough Faire day (actually a day off and I was invited to go but couldn't afford to.)  Then Monday was a regular day at my house and Tuesday was RU group day at Jennifer’s and then she was done.  

This is how it played out: (kids and I went down Thursday to decorate the drive for a Texas friendly welcome....)

Day 1: Friday

They arrive at the farm around 10:30.  Dayna got out of the RV and was "mobbed" by kids. I immediately sensed something different/wrong.  I was always conscientious of them groveling for her attention because I sensed she was annoyed.  She said "it’s okay… it’s transition day" and they began to show her around the farm and introduce her to everything. It was hot so within an hour Dayna headed to the RV to take a break (I know now to have a drink) and this happened quite frequently… like every 30 minutes or so throughout the day. She was just not present from the beginning. We got through Friday without a whole lot of conversation about anything other than at mealtime, primarily with Kevin and Jen. The day ended with Dayna and two of the kids getting lost in the darkness on a country excursion and Kevin and I found them finally about 9:30 pm.  Dayna was freaked out!

Day 2: Saturday

Our "workday" usually starts at 10.  Karen and I were late getting breakfast on the table so Dayna, Kevin and Jen came in a little after 10 and we chatted while we finished breakfast and ate. Kevin, Jen, Karen and I chatted.  Dayna was really quiet.  The kids were playing with her hair and wanting her attention, but she could have participated.  I knew we were scheduled to leave around noon.  We ate around 11 and then Dayna announced that she was too sick to work (she had gotten too much sun the day before) and so she was going to go back with the Greens. I had already told Jen we weren't doing Scarborough Faire but had arranged for my oldest to go with their family.   I decided to stay at the farm and got up early Sunday to be back by 9 am. The kids had asked Dayna if she could please spend one night with us so she said "this works out perfect; I will come over on Monday and spend all day and night with you.  That way your mommy can get some rest."  I was livid… my gut was screaming louder and louder, "She is not here for you at all!"

Day 3:  Sunday

We left the farm at 6 am so the oldest could go to Scarborough Faire.  The Greens and Dayna arrived at 9:15 to pick up my oldest; there are some weird, funky vibes, but I brushed it off as me being pissed… and off they went.  I spent the day trying to make sense of what appeared to be unfolding with this experience.  I was getting madder and madder.  My head and my intuition were wrestling. They returned to my house around 8 pm to drop off.  I went out to the car and WHOA the energy was fucked up for sure.   I didn't ask questions, but just as they were leaving Jen said,  "We'll see ya tomorrow at 10:00."  Dayna said "11.”  Jen said something to the effect that she has got to work on school so Dayna needs to come work... maybe Kevin can bring her.  I said "11, 12, 1...whatever...just let me know.”  I was furious.  I texted Jen and said, "If I need to come get her, let me know.  I'm flexible... just lemme know what’s going on".  

I went inside and asked my daughter how her day was and she said, "Dayna got drunk!"  Nice.  Just two days ago, out of the blue, my daughter said, "You know what I don't understand?  When we were at Scarborough Fair, Dayna asked us (her and her BF) if we wanted to spend some time alone with her and we said ‘sure’ so we started walking and a few minutes later we went into a bar.  I told Dayna I thought we were gonna bungee jump…or ride ponies…and Dayna said, no we're gonna go in here.  This is fun."  I'm like WTF??  I asked my daughter how long they stayed and she said Dayna had a couple of drinks so maybe 20 or 25 minutes.  I asked her what she and her friend did...she said they just stood there.  What a positive and affirming message she puts out there for children!

Day 4:  Monday

By 11 am I had heard nothing (mind you my kids were asking "when’s Dayna coming, when's Dayna coming…” like kids in a candy store) so I texted Jen and said "what's the plan." She said she had not seen Dayna yet and said "let me find out.”  The next text was "youngest child and I are headed over there; it’s not good…" and so she came over and explained to me some of what had transpired in their home since Dayna arrived.  She said Kevin was trying to get her out of the RV to come because he is now thoroughly pissed about a zillion things but that now she was not fulfilling her responsibility to us.  

I was in shock...but in no way could fathom the extent of ALL that had happened.  The best thing I could muster from that conversation was confirming my instinct that Dayna did not come here to help us but rather for her personal agenda with the Greens. We were all upset of course; my primary concern was how to help my kids through more broken promises and being manipulated and lied to from an adult they loved.  Jen left...we managed through and I talked with Jen off and on about what all was happening.  

The kids kept on insisting they wanted to see Dayna so I offered for Dayna to come here… thinking maybe if she left their house she would "snap out of it??" to help the kids or at least keep her word. We decided to try so we went and picked her up at 3 pm on Monday. She was a mess.  She kept saying "I don't understand why they are kicking me out.”  She was rambling and visibly upset. I was aware of some of the intimate details of what had happened at the Greens but said nothing to her.  I honestly had an incredible amount of empathy for her.  I am a "healer" and a "fixer" by nature so that part of me kicked in.  

Dayna immediately went to our guest room (spent about 10 minutes with the kids and told them she was sick and needed to rest). She stayed in that room the entire time she was here.  I spent hours listening to her beat herself up about "kissing that dude...that's what changed everything"...to her feelings for Jen and "am I gay?"  I think now that because I am gay that is how she could connect with me.  She opened up about her past abuse (as a child) and how that manifested itself into her actions with men (letting them abuse her now).....including her husband.  She shared things with me that I won't talk about here because they are someone else's story to tell.  She talked about what a loving relationship Jen and Kevin have and that my partner and I have and she said "I could so see myself living that way.  I explained that gay couples do indeed lead very "normal" partnership lives. She kept wanting me to ask Jen or Kevin if they would talk to her.  The kids kept wanting to spend time with her.  She would let them come in for a few minutes and then say, "I need to rest" or "I just need to talk to your mommy a little longer and then I'll get up, I promise.”  When she would close the door, they would knock and she would say "Just give us a few more minutes”  and ignore them.  I finally, at one point said, "Dayna, I HAVE to take care of the kids" and walked out.

Dayna asked for juice (for her vodka, which I didn't realize she had until much later after she got here). So I waited on her, as did the kids (they just wanted to help her.)  :-(  We got her water, food… whatever she needed... checked on her.  I watched Sydni and Ashleigh’s kind spirit and need to fix kick in. She kept telling the kids how sick she was and "I just need to rest and I promise I'll come out and be here for you. Tomorrow will be better... etc., etc., etc."

We were scheduled for our group meet up on Tuesday and talked about her going but she said she just couldn't and... well…  maybe she could she would see how she felt Tuesday morning...anything to get them off her back and then return to wanting me to sit with her and talk about what had transpired at the Greens. She kept saying, "I feel so bad...I am supposed to be here helping you and you are helping me."  No shit...  Even in all of this, we kept talking about living authentically and Dayna going home and getting help and taking care of herself.  She kept saying she didn't know who she was or what she wanted... she needed to figure it out.  And I get that. and was empathetic to it.

This went on from 3 pm to about 11 pm. I was exhausted and the kids and I fell asleep on our couches.  At 3 am, Dayna woke me up and said "Hey can you help me get on Wifi..I need to check in with Joe."  I, of course, did, but am like "WTF...you know rest (or lack of it) is one of my issues and you really had the balls to wake me up to get on Facebook?"  Well… and then she had left her charger at the Greens so she borrowed my Ipad.  I just thought "how incredibly selfish."  And even at that...I sat in the room with her for another two hours… until about 5:30 am listening some more.

Day 5:  Tuesday

Group Meet up day. Dayna called me into her room around 8 and said, "I really think I need to go to a hospital or clinic because I'm not feeling better and I think I just need to get some antibiotics (of course by this time I knew in my gut she was not physically sick because of all she had told me.)  I am also thinking..."I have five kids in my house, we are supposed to leave in a few hours...how in the hell am I supposed to pull this one off?"  I remembered that I had some antibiotics and she said "Oh that would be great."  I found them and there were just enough for her to take until she could get home to her own doctor.  Thank you, Universe.   The kids woke up and of course wanted to know if Dayna was better.  We gave her her birthday present..a beautiful rainbow headband and a card they all signed (she left the cardL)  It was about 9:30 and she was still in our guest room with the door closed.  I told them to go ask her so they did and she said she just couldn't.  Two of the kids wanted to stay and Dayna told them "I'm gonna stay here and sleep but will be ready to hang out when you get back.  I will definitely not miss your barrel race competition."   They asked "can we wake you up when we get back if you are asleep?"  She said "Of course."  She said she needed to shower so my oldest put fresh towels out in the bath for her.  We told Dayna we would be gone 3-4 hours. Went to the group meet up and as we were leaving at 3, I was asked to not leave; Jen needed to speak with me but was on the phone with XXXXXXX (the person who Dayna went to stay with from my house).  I was asked if I wanted Dayna to leave my home and I said, "I think its best; she is not going to snap out of it and it is just creating more issues with the kids."  

We got back at 4 (one of Jennifer's friends followed us back as arrangements had been made to take her from our house to XXXXX's house).  My oldest immediately went to the bathroom to see if Dayna had showered.  Dayna had PROMISED her that she would attend her barrel racing competition; the Green kids were also competing.  I won't forget the look of utter disappointment on her face that Dayna had not moved.  Transport person came in and told me that Dayna wanted to see me so I went in there and Dayna said, "I'm sorry I have to leave.  I just can't do it."  I said, "Fine but I want you to go in there and tell the kids goodbye!"  She said, "Ok...I can do this, I can go to the barrel race, I promised them."  She got up, walked out of the house without speaking to my kids, and got in the transport person's vehicle.  I had no interaction with her at the barrel race competition.  She did snuggle with one of my younger kids and as soon as the kids finished competing, she was ready to go.  She did hug my oldest goodbye before she left.  My oldest asked her if she was gonna be at their riding lesson on Wed morning (another commitment she had made with the kids) and she said "I don't know how I will feel...but call me tomorrow." WTF??  My child call you?  Selfish, Self-absorbed.

So my summary of it all:  The only communication I have had with the Martins since then is a message saying they had sent my refund for the Unnanny fee, they were sorry and wished me well.    I am grateful to have been refunded that money.  However, I still paid them to have this most unfortunate experience.  The $75 change fee from the first visit.  The $250 air fare from this visit.  And then there is the $550 for RE (see below).  I am not one to get hung up on money; however, the principle of the matter is I paid for professional services I did not get.  Although I understand that she is a recovering perfectionist so SHE obviously gained something from the experience here.

Some of the very issues I had hoped Dayna could help me with (how I can parent differently to help my kids let go of anger over abandonment, broken promises, mistrust of adults, putting the responsibility for having a relationship with the adults onto the kids, etc., etc.) is exactly what she did to them. I spent the better part of a month in the all too familiar place of picking up the pieces of their shattered souls.  My oldest was furious at me for days.  She continued to try to message Dayna (on the sly of course because Joe would read Dayna's message and might beat her up and my daughter did not want to be responsible for that.)    I won't even go into the acting out that occurred other than to mention that a few days after Dayna left, my daughter went on a rampage and completely tore up the house… knocking pictures off the bookcase, clothes off the table, clearing the kitchen counters... I recorded it on my phone, sent it to Jennifer, and said "HELP!!"  What do I do?  She was here in 15 minutes and helped me resolve it but...HEARTBREAKING!!!!  Gratefully, that seemed to be the release my daughter needed to begin to heal.

I had resolved to release Dayna to her journey and just continue on ours... until she went back home to go into "damage control" mode at the expense of my family and the others effected here (quite frankly, damage control began before she even left Texas) with comments such as:

1.  The only reason we brought her to Texas was to “get the kids off my back".  Really?  If that was the case I would have paid a babysitter  and taken a vacation.

2.  "That family can't be helped...I am not a trauma counselor."  OK…then you shouldn’t be advertising your amazing services to help families transition.

3.  "I told them I was sick and no one would help me."  Bullshit. 

And then there's the whole RE ticket issue...posting on the RE page and having my posts deleted.  (See Jennifer's blog #2).  

Anyone who knows me knows I go above and beyond to give folks the benefit of the doubt.  Dayna was no different.  I truly felt so much empathy for her when she was in my home.  I listened, I held her hand, I tried to reason, I tried to meet her needs...I didn't know her personally at all other than her being the unnanny .  I felt helpless and I wanted nothing more from her other than (1) snap out of it for the sake of my kids and when that wasn't going to happen (2)  go home and do some soul searching, healing, making amends, and moving forward.  

Going home and making her failure here in Texas about my family and the other folks she affected... not cool.  So I share this story in the hopes that other families, newbies or seasoned RUers, will be a little more aware.  I am not the first person to have been taken for a ride and most likely won't be the last.  Hopefully I will raise awareness for anyone who needs it to spare a little pain in the world.  Namaste.

Patti