Unschooling, Agendas, and Accidental Lessons

I have NEVER been a conventional person and I don't mix well with societal people. You know, the ones with all the rules. Let’s face it, you can't be normal and be an unschooler, right? The last 6 months have been full of change for the Green family. Some changes were painful, some simply involved finding a new perspective, and some were excellent alterations that propelled us toward our dreams a little faster. I am fully accepting of the idea that all events are beneficial, even when the benefit isn't immediately noticed. The more important aspect of this benefit, though, is the requirement that you work through the absolute gut wrenching shit in your own time and on your own terms. At its essence, this is a principle of unschooling itself. Our children have the right to determine their own benefits in their own time, without outside interference, as well. Support and conversation, yes! Controlling when and how processes are worked through, no! So what brings all of this up? We are moving. We are giving up our future, our nest egg, our token that we have earned a place in the normal people hall of fame. What will we ever do without this money pit? I can't tell you how much I will miss paying those school taxes. As with any change we adopt, this move is an unconventional one. We are moving in with another family, in to an even smaller space, and it will be cramped. It will force planning and conversation and respect of others needs. I am so ready for this challenge that I have been excited about this move since the day we decided to jump all the way in to the possibilities. I don't see one problem with this venture, but let me tell you, not everyone feels this way.

We don't have many fans, but man, my best friend, Kristen, has no fans. Her mom calls her daily to let her know how she isn't living up to expectations. Why are you helping them and not your "homeless" pregnant sister? Don't let people use you! Don't move to your dad’s house because you will regret it! Don't take your daughter out of school! Don't take the baby to a sitter! Cut your hair! You don't get to pick where you want to eat for your birthday because it’s not about you! Her ex-husband threatens her almost daily too. Bring the kids over now or I will take you to court! You weren't working; you were out drinking with friends! You don't care about your kids; all you care about is money! Don't take the kids to daycare, you are a crap mom! Don't you dare let the Greens move in or I will fight for full custody!

No one seems to realize that this has nothing to do with them. Just because you have an opinion, doesn't mean you have to share it. But to set some uncomfortable people at ease, I am letting you know we have thought this through, I promise. We are doing it to help each other because we can, because we choose to, kids included. So here is the run down:

·         House prices went up, so its a great time to sell.

·         Both families want to minimize unneeded "stuff. This will do it.

·         We have 3 houses and an RV to work with here. Space is available.

·         Eating healthier will be easier. Canning and juicing also easier.

·         We can share kid responsibilities.

·         We can ready our empty house to sell.

·         We will remodel the 3rd house to get it ready to move in to.

·         The 2nd house can then be ready to sell.

·         We will be able to sell our current RV and buy our new one while having a place to stay.

·         And lastly, this is not forever.

We will be on the road full time before we know it, so why can't best friends enjoy being near each other? Everything that has happened has simply set this process in motion. I have learned that if I can survive the abuse of a sociopath, then I can survive anything. I will say that you really realize what is important and that is family. Honesty and openness are still two of the most integral parts of my being and I cherish them for sustaining me. I have learned that giving a close friend too many chances will end up hurting only me in the end. Listen to your intuition because it will dig at you until you finally get the message. Don't let anyone tell you how or when to work through a tough lesson. Those people are not there for you, they have their own agenda. When a "friend" tells you that you are not welcome to attend unschooler park days because no one wants you there, definitely follow up with others because, again, this friend has their own agenda that you have nothing to do with. That is really what this blog is about........other people's agendas. I am on a juice fast and even that pisses people off. Why do I have to eat just because you say it's time?

So lessons reflected on from this year:

·         Respect the process.

·         Follow your intuition.

·         Cut people out of your life that speak judgment of others in every sentence.

·         Love your family.

·         Home is wherever you are.

·         See the world. Travel and let go of meaningless attachments.

·         Don't be attached to other people's version of what is right for you.

·         Fiber is not god. Nutrients are.

·         Real friends don't lie or "stay under the radar" to play both fields.

·         Love is the only thing that matters.

·         Let your children know that sometimes being nice isn't the answer.

·         Telling people to get over shit only serves to compound the pain.

·         Accept people where they are. The process will benefit them eventually.

·         What you do with your life is no one else's business, but they will think it is until you make that very clear.

·         Unschooling supports the love of learning, so let’s be ok with the learning path of others.

·         Don't do things for others so you can hold it against them later.

·         Sometimes anger is the most loving thing there is. Let the light break through.

·         Enjoy the ride. That is what we are here for.

 

Jen – the unschooly, dreaded, juice fasting, college student.